


What We Owe Each Other

by GwendolynGrace



Series: Since You've Been Gone [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Closure, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Missing Scene, Sam Holt Space Dad, Season/Series 07, Shadam, adashi, because bury your gays is aggravating, dammit voltron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 00:18:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15874662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwendolynGrace/pseuds/GwendolynGrace
Summary: "You...know who I am?" the pilot said."If you're Adam Whittaker, I do," Sam confirmed. "What can I do for you?""I was just...wondering. You reported that the...the Voltron Paladins sent messages home to their families. By any chance, did...did Officer Shirogane send a video?"The thread connecting Adam and Shiro was not cut, only stretched. It passes through the one person who could carry their unspoken messages: Sam Holt.





	What We Owe Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted some better closure than we get in the episodes. And since Adam was also the leader of the pilots who Sanda sends out to their (pointless) death... yeah. I came up with this.

"Officer Holt?"

Sam turned around. The man standing before him was slim, in his late twenties, and a little taller than himself. He wore glasses with angular half-rims. His uniform fitted neatly and he carried a small portfolio.

"It's...Whittaker, isn't it?" Sam asked. 

The pilot's eyes widened. "You...know who I am?" he said.

"If you're Adam Whittaker, I do," Sam confirmed. "What can I do for you?"

"Sir...I've read the reports from your briefing." He clutched the portfolio like a lifeline.

"Those are classified, or so I'm told," Sam said.

"Yes, sir. I have full clearance. I'm the squadron leader for the Garrison these days." He looked away, a guilty cloud playing over his eyes.

"I see." He held steady, waiting for the pilot to get to the point.

"I was just...wondering. You reported that the...the Voltron Paladins sent messages home to their families. By any chance, did...did Officer Shirogane send a video?"

Sam adjusted his own glasses. "No," he said quietly. "I think he didn't have anyone to send a message to." He did not mention that he and Shiro had talked about what (and who) Shiro would be leaving behind, when he signed on for Kerberos. 

Adam swallowed. "I...see." His eyes darted to the side. "But...he was all right? When you left him?"

"He'd been though a lot," Sam hedged. "But yes, he was alive." He sighed. "Son, let's go get a cup of coffee."

He led the way to a lounge and poured two cups out of a never-empty coffee pot. When he brought them to the counter where Adam had taken a seat, the other clenched the handle so hard, Sam feared it might snap. 

"I told him not to go to Kerberos," Adam said through gritted teeth.

"If Shiro had taken your advice, I might not be here today," Sam said, as kindly as he could. "My son would probably be dead, and I'd still be a slave to the Galra empire." He sipped his coffee. "Not to mention, Shiro would be getting very sick, right about now."

"But he'd be here," Adam countered. 

_Cold_ , thought Sam, but he understood the remorse Adam was feeling. "And none of you would have any idea of the threat about to find us."

Adam shook his head. "If Shiro hadn't escaped and tried to come back, those cadets would never have found that lion. They wouldn't have gone to this Altean castle you talked about. There'd be no reason for any of this to be happening."

Sam sighed again. "I'm not so sure. They were destined to become the Paladins of Voltron. They were still connected by the Garrison. Katie would still have found a way in, looking for me and Matt. And Keith said he'd been sensing the lion for months before Shiro returned to Earth. Sooner or later, I think, the five of them would have found it. Or the Galra would have found us, because the lion was here." He put a reassuring hand on Adam's arm. "It's easy to try to play 'What if,' but if you'd been out there, you'd see that these things were all set in motion by Shiro's escape. And whatever the Galra did to him, I think it cured his illness, too."

Adam looked up from his untouched coffee. "What do you mean, what they did to him?"

"You read the reports," Sam said.

"You said in the reports that they captured him, and he escaped."

"Adam. They...took his arm. Or he lost it when he was in their gladiatorial arena. It was replaced by a Galra prosthetic appliance."

"What?" Adam's eyes widened. "They made him a gladiator? He...lost an arm?"

"Yes," Sam said blandly. "Look. I...know who you are. I know you and Shiro were planning a future together, despite his diagnosis. Before he decided that Kerberos was worth the risk. I know choosing the mission meant he lost your partnership. Shiro's one of the finest men I've ever known. So you tell me, soldier: What right do you have to worry about him now?"

Adam held Sam's gaze for a moment. His eyes misted over; his lip quivered. He shuddered suddenly as a sob racked its way out of him, his face cracking open with the force of the cry. "I didn't want this to happen to him!" he blubbed. "I couldn't sit here waiting...worrying. They told us he'd died--that you had all died. Pilot error, some bullshit. That was...hard, but it was something I'd prepared for. Something going wrong. When I told him I wasn't going to wait--I didn't want him to die, but I knew it might happen. But this--"

He put his head down on his arms. Sam took another sip of coffee. Slowly, he put his hand on Adam's shoulder. "It's not your fault, son," he said over Adam's gulps for air. "It's not your fault."

"I know," Adam muttered, muffled by his sleeve. "He probably hates me--"

"He doesn't," Sam assured him. "Leaving, knowing that he was saying goodbye to you--that was hard for him. I know how hard it was. We had weeks to get to Kerberos; it's impossible not to notice when a member of your crew is grieving."

Adam sat up, removing his glasses which were now spotted with tears. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "I didn't mean to hurt him--"

"I know," Sam said, as gently as if this were Matt or Katie. "But you did. You made a choice. It wasn't right or wrong. It was your choice. And he made his. Do you want to know if he misses you? He does. Do you want to know if he regrets his choice? He doesn't. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but that's the way of it. He might wish things had turned out differently, too, but...he's got his path, now. He's the leader of Voltron." Sam smiled wistfully. "And he's damn good at it."

Adam pulled himself together, sniffing. "Sorry. I just...When I told him...it wasn't because I didn't care. I left him because I cared too much. You know?"

"Yes," Sam said. "You should talk to my Colleen about that. What it's like to wait, to worry all the time. She might be able to help."

"And I--like I said, when they reported that the mission had been lost...I didn't believe it was Takashi's fault--I couldn't think that--but I told myself that's just _why_ I couldn't put my life on hold. Because he'd gone off and been a daredevil and--" he broke off, sniffing again. "But now, to find out that he hasn't been dead, that he was--mutilated and tortured and--"

"Hey, c'mon," Sam interrupted. "I'm sorry. I have no business telling you what you should or shouldn't care about. But like I said, stop beating yourself up. Shiro knows why you two broke up. He doesn't hate you, Adam. I can promise you that." He sipped his coffee. "I'm serious, though: you and Colleen should talk about this kind of thing. She's got experience staying behind--boy, does she ever. She'll tell you the best thing is to find something productive to do."

Adam snorted once, ruefully. "Productive. Right. So...these Galra. How big a threat are they?"

"Big," Sam confirmed. "More dangerous than anything we've ever seen. We'll need every able body we have to stop them. Pilots, trainees...every possible resource."

"Tall order," Adam said. "I thought our jets aren't capable of going toe to toe."

"They're not," Sam said. "But I'm working on ships that are."

"How long do we have?"

Sam shook his head. "I've no idea. We have to work as if it could be any day."

"If there's...anything I can do to help, or help the cadets--"

"Thanks, son, I'll keep that in mind."

"They gave you Griffin, Kincade, Rizavi, and Leifsdottir, right?"

"Yes."

Adam pushed his glasses up his nose and sipped the coffee, finally. "They're good kids. Strong pilots. Rizavi could be as good as Takashi was--is. And Leifsdottir, she's crazy analytical. Practically a Vulcan."

"A what?"

"You know? From the old series?" He held up one hand, fingers split into two and two. "Live long and prosper?"

"Oh," said Sam, though he had no idea what Adam meant. "I've seen her test scores. They're...impressive."

"And Kincade. He's quiet but...lethal. Most accurate shot of the four of them."

"But James Griffin's the leader," Sam commented.

"Yes. He's got the best aptitude for teamwork, strategy, timing...that kind of thing. Where Rizavi wants to leap in with both feet, he's the one who'll check for a handhold on the other side."

"Got it." 

"I can...suggest some others for your team. Cadets with strong skills, ones Iverson may have overlooked. You'll need solid ground crew, engineers...I've taught half the kids in this place."

"Good," Sam said. "Glad to have your help."

"I...owe at least that much to Takashi, if nothing else," Adam confessed. "Is there...any way to get a message to him? To Voltron?"

Sam put a hand on Adam's arm. "I'm sorry, but it seems that at present, we can't reach them. But I'm sure once they get home, he'll be glad to see you."

Adam smiled ruefully. "I doubt that. But...it'll be good to clear the air, anyway."

 

~

 

Sam knows, from the moment Admiral Sanda orders the fighters to scramble, that these men and women will not return.

His heart breaks when he sees Whittaker, A., appear at the top of the monitor. His squadron's names, with their vital signs, align below his.

Adam's fighter is the last to fall.

 

~

 

He finds Shiro visiting the memorial wall. Again.

"He came to see me, you know," he says, joining Shiro in front of Adam's picture. "He'd hoped you had sent a message along with the others."

Shiro's mouth twists wryly. "There wasn't anything to say."

There was evidently a lot to say, Sam knows, or Shiro wouldn't come back every other day. But he accepts the lie in favor of what, he hopes, will help Shiro grieve and let go. "He led the initial defense. I don't know if anyone told you that." 

Shiro shakes his head. "They just...said he'd died in the initial attack."

"He knew it was a lost cause, but he followed his orders and held out as long as he could." Sam wipes imaginary dust from his glasses. It's still painful, how wasteful that counter-assault was. How short-sighted Admiral Sanda remains.

"Is that supposed to make it better?" Shiro says bitterly.

"No," Sam agrees. "It's just a fact."

"He didn't have to go out there at all. He _shouldn't_ have been out there."

"I know," Sam says. "But he chose the mission over his safety. Kind of...like someone else I know."

Shiro's eyes slide sideways from the wall to Sam, back to the wall. "Was he...happy? Did he--had he found someone? Do you know?"

"Yes, I do. Colleen and I got to know him, a little, in the time we had before the Galra showed up." He sighs. "He was with someone and they were happy together. But he was also very sorry about how he ended things with you. You should know that, too."

"I knew that already," Shiro says.

"Yeah, I figured." Sam puts a hand on Shiro's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Shiro. I'm sorry I couldn't stop Admiral Sanda from sending them out. He should have been here when you got back. But I hope you don't mind--I hope it helps to hear--that I made sure he knew you'd forgiven him."

Shiro's eyes close. A few tears tip out of his eyes (the clone's biology is so accurate, Sam thinks, even in the midst of this moment, he has to admire it). When he speaks again, it's with a voice gone rough with emotion. "It...helps. Yeah. I did forgive him. I hope he forgives me, for not being here for him."

"I think he would have said, there was nothing to forgive."

Shiro says nothing for a while, just stares at the photo. A few moments later, he looks up. "Sam? His new, uh...new boyfriend. Do you know if…?"

Sam knows what he's asking. He wishes the news were better, but the Galra were experts at oppression. They'd done their work thoroughly in Earth's case. "He wasn't on the base at the time of the Galran attack, but, we learned later, he led a resistance group nearby. He was killed in a subsequent fight." 

Shiro nods, as if he expected to hear it. "What about Dorothy and Paul? Uh...I mean, Adam's parents?"

Here Sam can only shrug. "As far as we know, they're alive, but they're in a work camp. We'll have to free them by turning aside the Galra threat."

He nods again. "Then, I guess that's what we'll have to do. I...I owe him that much."

Sam lets out a sad chuckle. "Funny, that's what he said about fighting the invasion, too."

After another moment, Shiro turns toward him and envelops Sam in a tight, one-armed hug. Sam holds him as Shiro cries into his shoulder. As he supports his friend, he reflects back on that first conversation with Adam. He'd consoled the man Shiro had left behind. Now he was consoling the man who'd come home. He imagines, perhaps, that Shiro might be able to feel Adam's farewell in Sam's fatherly embrace. He hopes so.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to expiate a little of the frustration I felt at how Adam was handled.... I hope it helps some of you, too.
> 
> If you like this, check out my other fics, and follow me on Tumblr @gwenlygrace.


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